I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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