you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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