My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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