I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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