i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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