So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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