I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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