I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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