Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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