Operation Purity has been aborted
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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