90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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