1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had sex on a dog bed..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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