theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize