Do you still have your period?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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