I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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