well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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