Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I could fuck to npr.
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this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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