ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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