So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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