peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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