My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize