you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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