If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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