I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize