be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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