dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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