Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize