I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize