I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize