just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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