can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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