I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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