You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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