Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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