I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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