I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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