She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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