I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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