new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Randomize