The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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