Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize