I think I died a long time ago.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize