take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize