the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize