dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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