So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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