having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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