I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize