It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize