he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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